How can we communicate better?

One of the worst things you can do in communication is minimize another person and their experiences, ideas, feelings.

Communication is said to make up 80-90% of project management, so I’ll go out on a limb and suggest that this is worth considering. 😉

By the way, “communication” is more than creating a communication plan and giving executive updates. It’s a WHOLE lot more and, frankly, we don’t talk about it enough. Probably because we don’t know how.

So let’s start talking about it.

Minimization: the reduction of something to the smallest possible amount; the representation of something at less than its true value or importance.

Minimization can be a defense mechanism that happens without malice (although it is also an intentional tool of bullies). I can recall occasions where I unknowingly minimized in order to preserve my ego, but now that I’m more aware, I cringe even thinking about it. That’s because minimization tears apart instead of bringing together.

A common one I see in the workplace is when one person is struggling with a task, and another person will say "oh, it's not that bad, I've done it a hundred times without a problem."

➡️ Here’s a simple example showing how we can go beyond minimization to achieve greater understanding and connection with another human being.

When my grandmother was 99 years old, I had a conversation with her about how I was feeling self conscious about aspects of my soon-to-be 40-year-old body.

I’m sure many would consider my concerns laughable: a small gray streak in my hair, changing metabolism, newly formed wrinkles on my brow.

But you know what my elderly grandmother, with sagging skin and legs so weak she needed a cane, DIDN'T do? She didn’t laugh and say “Well just wait until you get to be 60! Or 70! Or 80!”

That would be the easy response.

Instead, she looked at me with the most curious, inquisitive eyes and asked me to share more.

When I was finished, her face glowed with understanding as she offered me this beautiful wisdom: “your performance level and your body’s appearance are not the same as your self worth. These are separate issues. Your self worth is unchanging, untouchable, unaffected.”

We went on to discuss certain aspects of her physical challenges and how they were affecting her. In the end, we realized that many of our feelings were similar. We had learned from each other and felt stronger through the conversation.

How amazing would it be if we could approach all of our interactions with such care as this? When someone is struggling, what if we listened first and put aside our own thoughts to truly meet them where they are at?

Regardless of work or personal, it can be done. Healthy communication is healthy communication.

I don’t know about you, but that’s what I’m striving for.